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Maroon Dive: Nickelback’s new disco single is 2015’s steamiest pile of dogshit

 

Yeah yeah, the joke’s on us for even posting a Nickelback video.

But everyone’s favorite Canadian punching bag not named Justin Bieber or Carey Price has released a new video today for its disco single “She Keeps Me Up,” and there are two notable things to discuss here.

One, check out the video itself. Nickelback are suddenly Maroon 5? Is mediocre adult alternative rock truly dead? Did their label turn down a request to go alt-country?

 

Two, this song’s lyrics are fucking insane: “Funky little monkey, she’s a twisted trickster / Everybody wants to be the sister’s mister / Coca-Cola roller-coaster / Love her even though I’m not supposed to.”

Didn’t Savage Garden write that shit in the ’90s?

Oh but wait, there’s also a lyrical theme of table fucking, apparently, suitable for a song with innuendos for staying hard. “I swear she smells just like a flower, I’d fall to pieces if I went anywhere without her,” sings Chad Kroeger innocently enough in his best middle school poetry effort, before laying down the gauntlet of cringe: “I love when she says, what’s wrong with right here on the counter?”

 
 

Because where else would we demand our nickels back?

Watch “She Keeps Me Up” at your own peril, and take note — Nickelback play the XFinity Center in Mansfield on August 18. This is how we remind you.

UPDATE 5:40 p.m. EST: Looks like Live Nation has the “exclusive” on this bad boy until 6 a.m. Wednesday, so you’ll just have to click through to view. Or listen to the audio after the jump.