So, that was something else. After all of the broadcast debacles that the Oscars have seen in the last four or five years, beginning with “La La Land!” and ending with Steven Soderbergh and company’s choice to bank on Chadwick Boseman winning a posthumous Best Actor statue last year, who knew that the single best way for the Academy to break the fucking internet was for Chris Rock to get the taste slapped out of his mouth by a nominee, specifically Will Smith, who has been Oscar-hungry for decades? Well, Vince McMahon and Tony Khan sure did, but no one ever thought that the kayfabe of the Oscars — the veneer of respectability that keeps the wine moms and celeb gawkers tuning in for glitz and glamor — would ever be shattered in this particular way. Depending on how you look at it, it was the Worst of Ceremonies and the Best of Ceremonies, and there’s likely no way they can ever top this beyond just actually getting the Celebrity Deathmatch guys to run the show.
Before we get to last night’s winners, let’s take a quick detour into conspiracy land. Enough ink has already been spilled recounting the play-by-play, but it’s pretty clear that this wasn’t a pre-planned bit by the Academy and from all angles of the conflict — Smith crying to Denzel and Tyler Perry after, the shouts of “Keep my wife’s name out of your fucking mouth,” Rock seeming genuinely stunned, and Smith’s teary-eyed semi-apology during his acceptance speech — it certainly seems to be the real thing. But if Smith makes a Red Table Talk episode about this incident, surrounded on camera by his family, well, we’re gonna find it hard to believe that this was motivated by anything other than engagement. His YouTube presence is an underrated aspect of Smith’s career over the last few years, and it’s not too difficult to imagine one of the Paul brothers pulling a stunt like this (although they tend to keep the fisticuffs confined to the ring now). This is the end-all-be-all of content, and I’m sure the dude is raking in some subscriptions today, whether or not he was aware of it at the time.
As for the gambling, well, most of the favorites held, no matter how shaky they were: Smith, Jessica Chastain, Troy Kotsur, Ariana Debose, Jane Campion… You had to go further into the categories to find real upsets, like Belfast‘s win for Original Screenplay. And, of course, there was Best Picture, which went to CODA, proving that Netflix is so fucking hated by the Academy that they’ll literally choose anything from a streamer not headed up by Reed Hastings. If that doesn’t make you laugh from the schadenfreude, what will?
Anyhow, here is the list of winners (our reviews are linked), and congratulations to everybody: You just lived through an infamous date in the history of the Oscars. What a world, man.
BEST PICTURE
Belfast
WINNER: CODA
Don’t Look Up
Drive My Car
Dune
King Richard
Licorice Pizza
Nightmare Alley
The Power of the Dog
West Side Story
BEST ACTRESS
WINNER: Jessica Chastain, The Eyes of Tammy Faye
Olivia Colman, The Lost Daughter
Penélope Cruz, Parallel Mothers
Nicole Kidman, Being the Ricardos
Kristen Stewart, Spencer
BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING
WINNER: The Eyes of Tammy Faye
Coming 2 America
Cruella
Dune
House of Gucci
BEST ACTOR
WINNER: Will Smith, King Richard
Javier Bardem, Being the Ricardos
Benedict Cumberbatch, The Power of the Dog
Andrew Garfield, Tick, Tick…Boom!
Denzel Washington, The Tragedy of Macbeth
BEST DIRECTOR
WINNER: Jane Campion, The Power of the Dog
Paul Thomas Anderson, Licorice Pizza
Kenneth Branagh, Belfast
Ryûsuke Hamaguchi, Drive My Car
Steven Spielberg, West Side Story
BEST ORIGINAL SONG
WINNER: “No Time to Die,” No Time to Die
“Be Alive,” King Richard
“Dos Oruguitas,” Encanto
“Down to Joy,” Belfast
“Somehow You Do,” Four Good Days
BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN
WINNER: Zsuzsanna Sipos and Patrice Vermette, Dune
Tamara Deverell and Shane Vieau, Nightmare Alley
Grant Major and Amber Richards, The Power of the Dog
Stefan Dechant and Nancy Haigh, The Tragedy of Macbeth
Adam Stockhausen and Rena DeAngelo, West Side Story
BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
WINNER: Summer of Soul
Ascension
Attica
Flee
Writing With Fire
BEST EDITING
WINNER: Dune
Don’t Look Up
King Richard
The Power of the Dog
Tick, Tick…Boom!
BEST SCORE
WINNER: Hans Zimmer, Dune
Nicholas Britell, Don’t Look Up
Germaine Franco, Encanto
Alberto Iglesias, Parallel Mothers
Jonny Greenwood, The Power of the Dog
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
WINNER: Sian Heder, CODA
Ryûsuke Hamaguchi and Takamasa Oe, Drive My Car
Jon Spaihts, Denis Villeneuve, and Eric Roth, Dune
Maggie Gyllenhaal, The Lost Daughter
Jane Campion, The Power of the Dog
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
WINNER: Kenneth Branagh, Belfast
Paul Thomas Anderson, Licorice Pizza
Adam McKay and David Sirota, Don’t Look Up
Zach Baylin, King Richard
Eskil Vogt and Joachim Trier, The Worst Person in the World
BEST COSTUME DESIGN
WINNER: Jenny Beavan, Cruella
Massimo Cantini Parrini and Jacqueline Durran, Cyrano
Jacqueline West and Robert Morgan, Dune
Luis Sequeira, Nightmare Alley
Paul Tazewell, West Side Story
BEST LIVE-ACTION SHORT
WINNER: The Long Goodbye
Ala Kachuu
The Dress
On My Mind
Please Hold
BEST INTERNATIONAL FEATURE
WINNER: Drive My Car (Japan)
Flee (Denmark)
The Hand of God (Italy)
Lunana: A Yak in the Classroom (Bhutan)
The Worst Person in the World (Norway)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
WINNER: Troy Kotsur, CODA
Ciarán Hinds, Belfast
Jesse Plemons, The Power of the Dog
J.K. Simmons, Being the Ricardos
Kodi Smit-McPhee, The Power of the Dog
BEST ANIMATED SHORT
WINNER: The Windshield Wiper
Affairs of the Art
Bestia
Boxballet
Robin Robin
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
WINNER: Encanto
Flee
Luca
The Mitchells vs. the Machines
Raya and the Last Dragon
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
WINNER: Dune
Free Guy
No Time to Die
Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings
Spider-Man: No Way Home
BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT
WINNER: The Queen of Basketball
Audible
Lead Me Home
Three Songs for Benazir
When We Were Bullies
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
WINNER: Greig Fraser, Dune
Dan Laustsen, Nightmare Alley
Ari Wegner, The Power of the Dog
Bruno Delbonnel, The Tragedy of Macbeth
Janusz Kaminski, West Side Story
BEST SOUND
WINNER: Dune
Belfast
No Time to Die
The Power of the Dog
West Side Story
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
WINNER: Ariana DeBose, West Side Story
Jessie Buckley, The Lost Daughter
Judi Dench, Belfast
Kirsten Dunst, The Power of the Dog
Aunjanue Ellis, King Richard