In some college (or college-prep) history classes, there’s an informal rule that prevents one from studying events after a certain date — in some places, that’s 25 years before the current day; in others, it’s 20 — as one can’t properly evaluate or consider their meaning and impact without some distance. Disney really needs to impose something similar, because holy shit, it is just way too soon for them to be making a live-action Moana.
That 2016 cartoon was a perfectly cromulent film, with some good songs and an interesting setting, and boy, how that rooster could scream, but Disney wasn’t even confident enough to slate Moana 2 for theaters — only releasing it wide when they realized how massive a fumble it would have been to put a money-maker like that on Disney+ day one. So, it’s quite a turnabout for them to prioritize this over, say, a live-action adaptation ofFrozen.
Anyway, we’ll propose a fifteen-year rule, as that seems to be the informal industry standard (that was how long it took for How to Train Your Dragon to get a live-action version), which means this should probably be delayed until 2031. Alas, we live in an imperfect world, so you can watch the trailer right now.
Peep it:
Here’s a synopsis for live-action Moana:
“In Disney’s live-action reimagining of the beloved Oscar-nominated animated adventure, ‘Moana’ (Catherine Lagaʻaia) answers the Ocean’s call and, for the first time, voyages beyond the reef of her island of Motunui with the infamous demigod Maui (Dwayne Johnson) on an unforgettable journey to restore prosperity to her people.”
Moana hits theaters on July 10. Boy, it is really weird to see The Rock with long hair. How long has it been since Scorpion King? 25 years? We’re feeling like Matt Damon quick-aging at the end of Saving Private Ryan right now. Jesus Christ.