Happy Monday, folks. You might be surprised to learn that Sonic the Hedgehog 2 is going to hit theaters pretty goddamn soon, because we were: The passage of time is absolutely relentless, and we’re not just talking about losing hours of sleep on a Sunday morning. Anyhow, in advance of what’s sure to be a full-court marketing press during this year’s NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, Paramount dropped what they’re dubbing the “final” trailer for Sonic 2 earlier on Monday, and, yeah, families are probably gonna eat this one up. We’re already imagining the dozens of children running as fast as they can around movie theater lobbies and dreading what will happen when they run into a free-standing cardboard display or something.
Peep it:
Here’s a synopsis, which remains unchanged from the 80-something times you’ve probably read this over the course of the last year or two:
“The world’s favorite blue hedgehog is back for a next-level adventure in ‘Sonic the Hedgehog 2.’ After settling in Green Hills, Sonic is eager to prove he has what it takes to be a true hero. His test comes when Dr. Robotnik returns, this time with a new partner, Knuckles, in search for an emerald that has the power to destroy civilizations. Sonic teams up with his own sidekick, Tails, and together they embark on a globe-trotting journey to find the emerald before it falls into the wrong hands.”
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 hits theaters just over three weeks from now, on April 8. Tickets are already on sale, and you can do your part to bring back the old Sonic design by not buying any. Let’s be real, though: this is a protest we’re not going to win because you’re probably gonna go see this, but it doesn’t make our desires less true or potent. We want our creepy-ass hedgehog monster back, dammit.