Well, the time is upon us, folks: On Tuesday, the world finally got its first look at Amazon’s Lord of the Rings series, which has been the subject of much discussion and controversy. Centering around the Second Age of Middle Earth, which presumably means that’s when it became old enough to smoke and buy lottery tickets, the show is a prequel to the film series that we all know and love, yet is also a prequel to the prequel if you’re looking at this from the perspective of someone who likes the Hobbit films (and we are sure they exist). The show is apparently budgeted at around $450 million dollars (early reports had pegged it at a billion) but apparently there wasn’t enough cash to ensure that the stuntmen were totally safe from harm. Good god.
If you’d like to see where that money went, take a look at this first picture. By our calculations, this single image cost roughly $86,400. (If it’s wrong, well, don’t come after us. We’re writers, after all.)
Yeah, that looks like a Lord of A Ring.
You want a synopsis, nerds? Well, you’re not going to get one until they say so. Are there any leaks, you might ask? What do you think? Of course not! Apparently, Amazon literally sealed the writers’ room shut when they were working on the scripts so that a passerby couldn’t even catch a whisper on a breeze. We’re pretty sure there’s shittier op-sec being run by some national security agencies.
Anyway, we do know when you’ll be able to see it: according to Deadline, Amazon’s Lord of the Rings will premiere on September 2. Yes, you won’t have to wait too l- oh, wait a second. They just finished production on Tuesday, so… yeah, that’s September 2, 2022. God, we’re sorry. 13 months, y’all. That’s all you gotta wait for.