A few days ago, as 2021 began to bloom, something felt off. After a lot of soul searching, it became quite evident: There was a lack of fake Coachella Music & Arts Festival posters making the rounds on the internet, something that has become a sort of early-January tradition. Hell, this guy even tweeted about it on January 4.
Of course, no real Coachella — as of press time! — means no Fauxchella. But there was something sad about a) not seeing the creativity in fake lineups created by a sole pseudo booking agent’s grand fantasy, and b) not being kinda-sorta duped by the ones that seemed actually plausible. We had it so good in the 2010s, and we took it all for granted!
Luckily, writer Jill Gutowitz is here to save the day, coming up with one hell of a lineup for the sacred festival held every April at the Empire Polo Club in Indio, California. On Wednesday (January 6), Gutowitz tweets: “just because there’s no coachella doesn’t mean we can’t have a 2021 coachella meme”.
Headling Gutowitz’s incredible fest, (not) happening April 13, 14, and 15, are Megan Thee Stallion, Aubrey Plaza, and Kaley Cuoco’s Hair. But the undercard is where it’s really at: Charli XCX opening Sunday’s slate (at like 11 a.m. lol), Bon Iver Absolutely Fucking Sobbing on Saturday, and Bisexual Beth Harmon warming up for Megan on Friday’s opening tilt.
Good god we’d attend just for Bisexual Beth Harmon! Well, that and Kathryn Hahn Doing Whatever The Fuck She Wants. What a Friday lineup!
Hopefully Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles are still together by April 14, but if it conflicts with The Man Taylor Swift & Haim Killed, then their breakup might be the best thing about 2021 so far.
For the record, desertsun.com reported in December that Coachella ’21 is still entirely up in the air.