Between Adam Levine's ugly-ass chest tattoos and a "Sweet Victory" tease that pissed everybody off at halftime and the Los Angeles Rams total inability to advance the ball in any meaningful way for 60 minutes of excruciatingly bad football (especially for fans outside of New England), it's pretty safe to say that Super Bowl LIII was a disaster on almost every front [Editor's Note: Except for, you know, the Patriots winning the Super Bowl].
Even the trailers, a bellwether as to the evening's overall health, weren't that great -- some were undercut by big releases a few days before, others were for movies coming out in a week or so, others were 10 seconds long and therefore shorter than the Rams' time of possession -- but there were some that still excited and inflamed passions of the film fans in attendance at parties all over the country. We've compiled every trailer that aired during the Big Game for you in this article here, and ranked them from worst to best, for your viewing pleasure.
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Honorable Mention: Jordan Peele’s Twilight Zone
We’re not exactly in the habit of covering TV around here, but we’re always happy to make room for a Jordan Peele production, especially when it’s the long-anticipated reboot of The Twilight Zone that he’s doing for CBS’s All Access streaming service. We get to hear him try out his Serling-style narration, which is as Rod-solid as the big man’s was back in the ’60s, and we get a decently creepy glimpse of a Super Bowl without people, as well as the classic “Scary Door” that was so perfectly parodied in Futurama. Anyways, this made us sign up for yet another streaming service, so consider that a victory, CBS.