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Watch Bruce Willis exact revenge in the trailer for Eli Roth’s ‘Death Wish’ remake

 

It seems like we always get hit with Death Wish sequels or pseudo-remakes in years ending in the number seven. A decade ago, we had dueling reboots in the forms of the Kevin Bacon vehicle Death Sentence and the “why oh why would you be in this Jodie Foster” flick The Brave One.

Now, director and noted Masshole Eli Roth and the significantly-more-talented-yet-somehow-only-writing the-screenplay-here Joe Carnahan (The Grey) have decided to give the franchise a make-over, and he’s tapped our generation’s Charles Bronson, Bruce Willis, to star — not because Bronson ever approached Willis’ levels of talent, but because both of them have been in enough “fuck it, I’m getting paid” roles to buy a few private islands.

Today, the surprisingly still-existent MGM released a trailer for the remake, and cemented the fulfillment of the Christmas lists of culture commentators’ children, as there’ll be enough well-paying hot takes and thinkpieces to write about this movie being fascist in the Age of Trump to ensure that new Furby winds up under the tree.

 

Well, it doesn’t look terrible, that’s for sure.

Bruce is still sleepwalking through the role, but at least Roth’s a director who knows how to honestly shock and offend the sensibilities of those looking to get off on watching a wealthy doctor murder poor people on those mean Chi-town streets, but it’s still unclear what are the other non-cynical reasons why this was remade. We mean, given all the racial and economic coding present in the original, you think they might have changed it, or tried to complicate it in someway, but Roth’s decided to keep all that shit in place, and it still rings as a little fascist no matter how many times Sway shows up to tell us it’s cool. We have to go ahead and tell every one of you poor bastards who have to go home to intensely political Thanksgivings to stay the fuck away from this one at the multiplex, as at least Thor won’t inspire your uncle to scream about “dah wawww” and your aunt to mace him in response. Couldn’t you have dropped this in October, MGM?

 
 

Oh well. The fantastic Death Wish Coffee company might want to hire some awesome SEO people for when this comes out.

Here’s a synopsis: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Pictures presents director Eli Roth’s reimagining of the classic 1974 revenge thriller ‘Death Wish’. Dr. Paul Kersey (Bruce Willis) is a surgeon who only sees the aftermath of Chicago violence when it is rushed into his ER — until his wife (Elisabeth Shue) and college-age daughter (Camila Morrone) are viciously attacked in their suburban home. With the police overloaded with crimes, Paul, burning for revenge, hunts his family’s assailants to deliver justice. As the anonymous slayings of criminals grabs the media’s attention, the city wonders if this deadly vigilante is a guardian angel or a grim reaper. Fury and fate collide in the intense, action-thriller ‘Death Wish’.

Bald Death Wish hits theaters on November 22.