As shocking as this may sound, it appears that not everyone is obsessed with Taylor Swift. Those people usually fall into two distinct categories: miserable-ass haters who need a good lesson on how to “Shake It Off,” and tired, worn-out parents of uber-obsessed Tay Sway fans.
Check out her Craig’s List post below. She’s offering to provide a background check and even pay her own way. She just, uhhhhh… wants someone to go with. We think.
This is either a sweet and innocent gesture that will spark a lifetime of friendship and bonding over Taylor Swift, or it’s a creepy-as-hell plea from a lonely sociopath who will inevitably kidnap your children and take them to Mexico.
We’re not entirely sure.
Anyway, while we have no interest in taking your shitty kid to Swift’s shows at Gillette Stadium next summer, we can relieve the financial burden and direct you to Do617’s free ticket giveaway to her July 24 and July 25 shows in Foxborough, Massachusetts.
Or take a chance on her…
Parents: I am willing to buy your ticket from you and take your kids to Taylor Swift! This is great for you, because you don’t have to go to something that you don’t understand, and I get the opportunity of a lifetime to see Taylor Swift!
Reasons you should let me take your kids to Taylor Swift:
1. I know all the words to all her songs and can sing along with your kids, unlike you.
2. You get $100+ back to do whatever you want with. Woah, think of all the extra pies you can buy for Thanksgiving!
3. Your kids won’t have to be embarrassed of you! This is really what’s most important to your kids. They don’t have to be with someone standing there bored with ear plugs in because I will be loud and singing along with them and forcing them to have the best time ever. (JK there will be no force, we will be fast friends and they will have a GREAT time all because Taylor will be there!)
4. I am willing to take photos of them so they don’t have to wear out their arms with #SELFIES!
5. I have a famous dog that would love to be their newest Instagram follower.
6. I have a great knowledge of what’s cool in the city and I would provide them with the finest Francoluigi’s pie of pizza to tailgate/eat in the parking lot while we practice a synchronized dance to Shake it Off.
7. Willing to be a part of a synchronized dance to Shake it Off.
8. Also completely okay with them standing there and ignoring me and pretending we aren’t together at all, and then escorting them to your car so that you can take them home.
(25 year old female + will provide a criminal background check + whatever other proof you need to know I’m not an evil person)
We’re just gonna shake, shake, shake this one off…