As everyone is aware by now, today is Godsmack Day in Boston, thanks to an alleged proclamation by Mayor Marty Walsh (does anyone have actual proof of this, by the way?). The Massachusetts metal band released its sixth studio record this week, 1000hp, and will be at the Newbury Comics in Faneuil Hall to meet fans and sign some merch later this afternoon.
Those looking to take part in the festivities were asked to start lining up at Newbs very early this morning to get a wristband, but standing in a boring-ass line in Faneuil Freakin’ Hall is really no way to properly celebrate Godsmack Day.
I mean this shit only comes around once a year, right? You don’t work on Christmas, do you?
So Vanyaland is here to help you make the most out of this mess occasion, and celebrate like it’s 1998. Why Stand Alone when you can be one with friends?
Step 1: Get a labret piercing.
Some say the first thing a guy notices about a girl is her eyes. Others say it’s her breasts. Nu-metal fans know the spot is really in between right below the lip, and nothing says “I’m living the late-’90s dream” like a stud on the lower part of your face and a back post that slowly erodes your gums. If you want to get wild, opt for an 8-ball stud or something classic that matches your ball-chain necklace. [Note: I had a labret piercing in college, but I was on Long Island so it doesn’t count.]
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Step 2: Get a tribal tattoo
The music of Godsmack is forever — especially after today — and so should your body art. You can always remove a piercing for that job interview, family reunion in Attleboro, or wedding day, but a sick tat of some sick design will stay with you forever. Kinda like the beat to “Voodoo.” Sun’s out, guns out, motherfucker.
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Step 3: Buy a Disturbed or Coal Chamber CD while waiting in line for your Godsmack wristband at Newbury Comics
You can’t listen to Godsmack all the time, even though we know you want to. But these throwback ’90s metal relics shouldn’t be too expensive, especially from their dusty home called the “Used” bin. And we know you are a genre completist. Woah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
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Step 4: Frost your tips
This one is tricky, because unlike tribal tats, labret piercings, or even that Disturbed CD, you can go too far with frosted tips. Get reckless, and you’ll be taking pictures with strangers at Guy Fieri’s American Kitchen & Bar. Get it just right, and you’ll be crowd-surfing at Great Woods and maybe even show up on that WBCN documentary about the time the cops came and ended the best summer day of your teenaged life.
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Step 5: Make your own wallet chain
Leather wallets are made sturdy and dependable, but the chains that bind them to our jeans definitely are not. The clips rip off in the mosh, security confiscates them when you try to see White Zombie at the Casino Ballroom (“A weapon, bro? You kiddin’ me? You gonna take away my fists, too?”), and sometimes Mom takes it back when you’re playing XBox because she needs it to walk Scrappy before she goes to work. But this dude right here has a few easy steps to create your own wallet chain, and no one’s gonna jack your shit now, playboy. Woah-ah-ah-ah-ah!