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Club Meds: Michael Alig was released from prison today, so fellow Club Kid James St. James wrote him a letter about life in 2014

 
 

Famed New York City party promoter Michael Alig was released from prison today after a 17-year murder sentence, and to mark the occasion, fellow Club Kid James St. James penned a rather lengthy letter updating Alig on just how the world has changed since the late-’90s.

The letter covers many bases, from cabs taking credit cards to a crash course on social media to how everyone takes their own photo every day. He also offers this bit of brilliant advice: “When everybody is fabulous, nobody is.”

Amen.

St. James was the author of Disco Bloodbath, the book that was adapted into the 2003 film Party Monster, chronicling Alig’s rise through New York’s clubland and the 1996 murder of Andre “Angel” Menendez. In the film, Alig was played by Macaulay Culkin, and St James by Seth Green.

Below are some of our favorite passages; St James is kinda correct in that drug dealers just love to have Party Monster playing when you roll up to their pads.

Read the entire thing via World of Wonder, the production company responsible for Party Monster.

It’s a very different world you’re re-entering into. So much has changed in the 17 years since you last walked among us. For instance: We have talking pictures now! And cronuts!

Boys are cuter in the 21st century. And dicks are bigger. These are facts. If you don’t believe me, spend an hour on Tumblr. Another odd thing: EVERYBODY has killer style now. Kids in Peoria are as fabulous as the kids in Williamsburg. It’s all rather dizzying, and kind of depressing. When everybody is fabulous, nobody is.

Technology develops at light speed now, you don’t want to get left behind. You NEED a smart phone, a computer, a DVR, and a tablet. There are no two ways around this. And be sure to keep up on all the latest upgrades and gadgets. You don’t want to be like me. I still have an iphone 4. Its calculator is an abacus. My Grindr only has Pilgrims in my area who want to hook up. It’s OLD.

Things it takes awhile to get used to not needing anymore: Photographs, books, and newspapers. You’ll fight this, but eventually you’ll succumb. It’s a paperless world now. Adapt or die.

You aren’t going to believe this one: Clubs play top 40 now. Rihanna, Britney, Katy Perry. That’s it. It’s very sad. The scene has changed. Clubs aren’t the subversive pleasure palaces of yore. Now, it’s just a thousand shrieking girls taking selfies and dancing to “Wake Me Up” by Aviccii.

Speaking of clubs: You’ve become a bit of a legend since you went in (YOU’RE WELCOME) and you WILL stop the room the first few times you go out. It’s an odd sensation, but even odder is when it doesn’t happen. See, you’re old now, and although many of this generation were raised on Party Monster , sometimes you’ll find yourself in a room where everybody is completely CLUELESS. They’ve never seen the Geraldos or Phil Donahues or Jenny Joneses. They’ve never heard of Angel. They don’t know or care who Julie Jewels was. They don’t even know who Andy Warhol was. A 21-year-old at WOW had never heard of Moby. MOBY. It’s weird. The generation that has the greatest access to knowledge in the history of mankind is the one that cares the least about it. So there will be places where you go where NOBODY WILL RECOGNIZE YOU and NOBODY WILL CARE. And because you are no longer a cute little twink, 20-somethings will LOOK RIGHT THROUGH YOU. Or worse: SNEER at the old man. Joy Behar once said that after 35 nobody looks at you on the beach anymore, no matter how good you look. It’s true. And it’s true everywhere. My point: Enjoy the times people recognize you, because not being recognized when your old SUUUUUUUCKS.

A crash course on social media platforms:
Facebook is where you find people you went to high school with who now own pretend farms.
Instagram is all the people you avoid at parties posting pictures of their breakfast.
Twitter is just people you don’t know making pithy comments about serious subjects they know nothing about.
Pinterest is where morbidly obese cat ladies pin pictures of what Katniss would wear.
Tumblr is micro-blogging + gay porn for tweens.
And Vine is always just sx seconds of extreme torture.

Stay away from Beliebers, Little Monsters, and Directioners. They make holocaust deniers seem well-reasoned. And they will cut a bitch if you cross them.

Funny side note: Drug dealers almost always have Party Monster on. Or Kill Bill Volume 2. Literally WITHOUT FAIL. Every drug dealer’s apartment you will ever go to (and I’m not advising you to got to any… but) there they are. There YOU are. On a loop.

While behind bars, Alig wasn’t too immune to social media — he operated the Twitter handle @Alig_Aligula by telling friends what to post via telephone calls. Earlier today, he posted his first tweets as a free man.