Year in ReView: Barry Thompson’s favorite records of 2013

[dropcap]T[/dropcap]his year, Miley Cyrus monopolized public discourse, and in doing so, proved that we are all stupid. But amid the infamous VMA performance, the Open Letter Drama, and the onslaught of online handwringing over whether Miley is racist (probably, she is) or if she’s being exploited or something something slut shaming ect., the staggering, immaculate pop grandeur of one song looked poised to vindicate the shit-vomiting vortex of MileyMania.

What I still don’t understand about “Wrecking Ball” is if the video for the tender, heart-string-yankin’ ballad features naked Miley giving a sledgehammer a blowjob, what’s she supposed to do in videos for future singles that won’t be tender or heart-string-yankin’, but will be about naked stuff? Is she going to be sitting behind a piano looking sad whilst singing an uptempo dance floor jumper reflecting on a last-minute coke orgy with Macaulay Culkin and the other kids from the Pizza Underground backstage after a performance on Fox and Friends?

Anyway, I reeeeally hoped every song on Bangerz would be as great as “Wrecking Ball.” And boy, oh boy, they are not. Everyone who invested any thought into Miley Cyrus (especially me) this year should be doubly embarrassed to know that Lorde, Charli XCX, and Sky Ferreira all put out records that annihilate Bangerz. Even if you absolutely couldn’t live without hearing a pre- or just-barely-drinking-age pop siren in 2013, Miley was worthless. Except for that time she sang “Wrecking Ball,” because that song is God’s dick.

Here’s my top 13 albums of 2013. Kinda wish it wasn’t a lot of the same albums that’re on a whole bunch of other Best of 2013 lists, but not everything can be special.

1. Chvrches: The Bones of What You Believe (Glassnote)
2. Tegan and Sara: Heartthrob (Warner Bros.)
3. Mindless Self Indulgence: How I Learned to Stop Giving a Shit and Love Mindless Self Indulgence (Metropolis)
4. Charli XCX: True Romance (Atlantic)
5. Wax Idols: Discipline & Desire (Slumberland)
6. Lorde: Pure Heroine (Universal)
7. Speedy Ortiz: Major Arcana (Carpark)
8. Savages: Silence Yourself (Metropolis)
9. My Bloody Valentine: mbv (self-release)
10. Deafheaven: Sunbather (Deathwish)
11. Buke and Gase: General Dome (Brassland)
12. Potty Mouth: Hell Bent (Redeye)
13. Eisley: Currents (12th Street)

Honorable mention: Childish GambinoBecause the Internet (Glassnote), ‘cause I just read a really scathingly unfair review in Spin and wanna say something nice about it, ‘cause I think it’s already my favorite album by a TV star. Donald Glover kills 30 Seconds to Mars several times.