Golden Rok: Get indigestion with pop music’s latest trainwreck, ‘Chinese Food’ by Alison Gold


So much for Miley Cyrus’ offensive cultural appropriation. Who needs twerking when you have white girls and crab rangoon?

From the same pop music pileup that gave us “Friday,” that flash-in-the-pan Thanksgiving song, and “Mass Text,” comes Alison Gold’s “Chinese Food,” wherein a 14-year-old girl goes out clubbing, starts hugging, gets a stomach ache, and get the munchies for some good old-fashioned Asian cuisine, most likely combination plate A-4, B-8, and some egg rolls. No Molly on this 32-page takeout menu.

But why stop there? Toss in some panda bear furries, an old dude rapping (who dips his fingers in sweet n sour sauce, mmmmmmm), and a fun game of Monopoly (wait, Oriental Avenue, really?), and you have this week’s true WTF moment.


For Tay Allyn’s “Mass Text,” we played the Vanya Challenge, asking how much of the song you could listen to before signing off in disgust. This one, however, we watched all the way through, because there’s something magical about it. We’re not sure what it is exactly — well, besides the fact that we love Chinese Food, too. Dragon Wok on Harvard Ave, RIP.

Dig in, because this one is extra tasty, and has mildly offensive “hit” written all over it. We’re sorry, China (and Japan, since you’re represented in this thing, too). But if there is one thing us white people love more than Friday — it’s “Chinese Food,” especially that General Gau chicken hot damn!

Alison Gold