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Some Might Stay: Noel Gallagher has some incredible (and NSFW) career advice for Zayn Malik

 
 

Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds begin a North American tour Thursday with a gig at Webster Hall in New York, which means one very awesome thing: The Noelly G press tour has officially crashed America.

The former Oasis guitarist sat down with Rolling Stone recently to discuss a bunch of interesting stuff, like Tidal and same-sex marriage, but saved some of his best quips for Zayn Malik, the 22-year-old pop star who left One Direction earlier this year in search of a “normal life.”

Fookin’ el, mate.

Gallagher, who comes to Boston’s Opera House on June 6, went to town on the young one.

It’s a strange thing for that lad to have done at that age. The greatest quote was — I laughed out loud when I read it — you know, “I just want to be a normal 22-year-old.”

Pfft.

Who wants to be a normal 22-year-old?! Hang on a minute.

You’re fucking anything that moves and gettin’ paid half a million dollars a week, you fuckin’ idiot. You want to be a normal 22-year-old?

Have you met any normal 22-year-olds? They’re fuckin’ shit-for-brains. What are you talking about, you fuckin’ idiot?

God. You know what I mean?

[sarcasm] All those young Japanese girls suckin’ me cock. So shallow and meaningless.[/sarcasm]

I’ll say this to you, Zayn: You might have wanted to be a normal 22-year-old, but you won’t want to be a normal 25-year-old [laughs].

Incredible. Oh, and there’s audio, too. Fire it up.