Everybody’s all about Lorde’s “Royals,” the 2013 breakout hit that made an overnight superstar out of the New Zealand teenager born Ella Maria Lani Yelich-O’Connor. But for many, her being born in 1996 is quite the hang-up; most of us have socks older than her.
So it was only a matter of time before someone gave “Royals” a re-boot for us old, miserable 30-somethings. Enter Molly Dworsky, a Los Angeles-based Minneapolis native who, as Borde, went back to her high school a decade after graduation and pretty much summed up life for anyone over the age of 27. It didn’t hurt that her Hopkins High School sports nickname is “Royals.”
We can’t wait to ask Lorde what she thinks about it — in about 13 years.
Choice lyric: “Cuz every song’s, like, written by a kid I probably used to babysit/Killing it by puberty while I can barely stay fit”.
Also, great shout-out to Jonathan Taylor Thomas at the end, there. Respek.
Here are the full lyrics for the clip, which was posted January 7 and already is approaching a half-million plays. Lorde makes her Boston debut March 14 at the Orpheum.
Borde, “(Hopkins) Royals” [Molly Dworsky]
If this is life, I’m unimpressed
Adulthood’s nothing like the tales in the movies
I’ve got stretch marks and saggy breasts
Seven extra pounds, and I’m full of envy
Cuz every song’s, like, written by a kid I probably used to babysit
Killing it by puberty while I can barely stay fit
So unfair that Lorde’s a millionaire at seventeen
And everybody’s got kids, a mortgage, real responsibility
Neck pain, diets, “hot chicks” were born after me
So unfair, I have to pay for my own health care
And we used to be Royals
How was that 10 years ago?
Seems like yesterday 2004
I wish I had another go
If I could be a high schooler
I could be the prom queen
And baby I’d rule (I’d rule) high school
Let me live that fantasy
My friends and I can tell we’re old
We count our dollars in our IRA while you party
And once we’re in our comfy clothes
We watch youtube clips
Eat chips and feel self-pity
Cuz every song’s, like, written by a kid I probably used to babysit
Killing it by puberty while I can barely stay fit
So unfair that Lorde’s a millionaire at seventeen
And everybody’s got kids, a mortgage, real responsibility
Neck pain, diets, “hot chicks” were born after me
So unfair, being carded is getting rare
And we used to be Royals
How was that 10 years ago?
Seems like yesterday 2004
I wish had another go
If I could be a high schooler
I could be the prom queen
And baby I’d rule (I’d rule) high school
Let me live that fantasy
Woah,
So old
Woah
We’re not where we thought we’d be
I miss the days of JTT
Growing old is so unfair
I just found a gray pubic hair