One quirk of the release calendar is that some movies exist in a kind of flux, living as Untitled Whatever Movie in a Schrodinger’s Cat-like status, where it might exist or might not. If it’s an Untitled Paul Thomas Anderson Movie, you know it’s going to come out (the guy takes his sweet-ass time choosing a title), but if it’s an Untitled Universal Horror Film, there’s a decent shot it’ll get punted off the calendar once other dates firm up. So, it’s always an interesting thing when one of these releases gets a title and emerges from the chrysalis of Untitled hell, much like Radio Silence’s Abigail did earlier on Thursday.
Now, we’re not the world’s biggest fans of that filmmaking duo, but we’re always down to give them a shot, and based on this trailer — teasing the tale of a group of kidnappers who picked the wrong young ballerina to abduct, given that she’s got some big ol’ fangs and likes drinking human blood — it looks like it might change our minds about them.
Peep it:
Here’s a synopsis:
“Children can be such monsters. After a group of would-be criminals kidnap the 12-year-old ballerina daughter of a powerful underworld figure, all they have to do to collect a $50 million ransom is watch the girl overnight. In an isolated mansion, the captors start to dwindle, one by one, and they discover, to their mounting horror, that they’re locked inside with no normal little girl.”
Abigail hits theaters on April 19. We’ve only got one final question that needs to be answered, which is: will there be a Dance Moms crossover, featuring this “underworld figure” and his vampire daughter facing off against the unlucky folks who didn’t get a Honey Boo Boo spinoff? Because man, that would be some premium TV.