It’s the phrase everyone prays they never hear: “…and it’s cancer.”
Nate Nics raps the words with a twinge of agony in his voice on “Mean Something,” sandwiched between the lines “Today I’m with my mom / She at the hospital in gowns” and “That’s what’s on the dome when I’m missing out on shows / Ask me why I couldn’t go / I don’t even gotta answer.” And yet here he is, releasing new music in spite of it all, opening up his already-tender heart for his city to hear.
“Mean Something” is the tail end of .photos, the Boston artist’s heart-wrenching new EP, which dropped last week (February 7). The project came together between January 2022 and last month — all while Nics hustled to support his mother, who was diagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer in 2021. Much like a scrapbook, .photos preserves hyperrealistic snapshots of his pain and persistence, even as he questioned whether or not he should continue to make music.
“Supporting my mom was the only thing on my mind when I was creating — writing, producing, composing — this project,” he shares with Vanyaland. “I made the beat for ‘The Hills’ after I missed the chance to visit her in the hospital at the beginning of last year and unfortunately throughout that time I was in the deepest depression of my life. I felt guilty for her situation and no matter how little sense that made I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t doing enough to change things for her.”
While Nics shares that his lyrics “reflect that [situation] all throughout” the EP, it’s the simplicity of his “That Mode” interlude that’s particularly gutting: “Fuck this shit. Why am I going through this? This is TERRIBLE!!! This is BAD!!!” The exclamation marks practically linger in the air, clouding the room with anguish.
But Nics’ fight isn’t over yet — not for his mother, and not for his music.
“I have to make some things clear,” he shared on Instagram last week. “2022 was supposed to be my last year making music. I had no intention of continuing to create with everything going on in my life. I’m here creating still because of all of the people who believed in me and made me believe in myself.”
He elaborates to Vanyaland: “What kept me from making the decision to walk away was every experience that I had within the Boston music and arts scene. It was every late night studio session, every show I attended and performed at, every live set, every philosophical conversation, every event, every song, EP, or album. This community of creatives kept me afloat when I needed it the most and that meant everything to me. Stepping away from all that we’ve built and continue to build would have been a mistake and it took me some time behind the scenes of it all to truly understand that. I chose to continue my journey as an artist because of the friends and family I’ve made along the way.”
Baring his soul with the bars from .photos almost feels like Nics’ gesture of gratitude for Boston’s good faith, but he boasts bigger plans for repaying the community. “Dreaming of a Grammy for my city,” he raps on the TEATEA-assisted track “Serenity Now.”
It’s proof that hope is always lingering in the background — even when life isn’t picture perfect.