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Chris Pine takes a dangerous job in ‘The Contractor’ trailer

The Contractor
Paramount

Welcome to the world of direct-to-video action insanity, Chris Pine. Sure, you’ve been here once or twice with Joe Carnahan in years past, but this new film of yours, The Contractor, sure looks like a bona fide Tuesday night rental. All it’s missing is an appearance by, like, Devon Sawa or someone, but otherwise, it’s basically the kind of goofy shit we are spellbound by when scrolling through iTunes. Paramount dropped the trailer for the film earlier on Wednesday, and we can’t even tell you how amused we are by the title, which has nothing to do with actual “contracting” but instead with elite soldiers going freelance, yadda yadda. Anyhow, can you imagine Chris Pine getting into a dispute with a homeowner over his budget for a kitchen renovation? Chris Pine Cable Guy. Let’s get it done, guys.

Take a look:

Here’s a synopsis, which wants you to know that, yes, this was probably exclusive to theaters at one point, at least based on all of the talent this film’s got in front of the camera:

“Chris Pine stars in the action-packed thriller as Special Forces Sergeant James Harper, who is involuntarily discharged from the Army and cut-off from his pension. In debt, out of options and desperate to provide for his family, Harper contracts with a private underground military force. When the very first assignment goes awry, the elite soldier finds himself hunted and on the run, caught in a dangerous conspiracy and fighting to stay alive long enough to get home and uncover the true motives of those who betrayed him. Also starring Kiefer Sutherland, Ben Foster, Gillian Jacobs and Eddie Marsan.

The Contractor hits theaters and your preferred VOD platform of choice on April 1. Are we kind of worried that this might be a big ol’ prank on all the direct-to-video nerds out there? Sure. We can totally imagine a scenario in which we sit down to watch this, press play, and are greeted by a static shot of Chris Pine reading to us a lengthy ranking of all the Chrises in Hollywood. Actually, we might pay to see that. Nevermind.