7. “Big Ten Inch Record” by Aerosmith
Size matters, or so we learned when the Bad Boys of Boston covered this old r&b tune by Bull Moose Jackson on their hard-rock landmark 1975 album Toys in the Attic. The song is a period piece now about a time when 10-inch vinyl was the format in which full-length albums were recorded. Steven Tyler brags that his favorite girl gets hot and bothered every time he whips out his big 10-inch, ahem, blues album.
The incriminating lyrics: “She gets all excited; When she begs for my big 10 inch; Record of a band that plays the blues.”
[embedvideo id=”00zuDUNTeXM” website=”youtube”]
Bull Moose Jackson version:
[embedvideo id=”Rws_7mLTqj8″ website=”youtube”]
6. “Goes Down Easy” by Van Zant
The Van Zant boys, Donnie of .38 Special, and Johnny of Lynyrd Skynyrd teamed up in 2005 to release the country album Get Right With the Man. The highlight of the record is this honky-tonk rock tribute to feel-good drinking. Along the way they find that a certain young lady friend shares something in common with that smooth-sipping “good ol’ damn homebrew” — each of them goes down easy.
The incriminating lyrics: “Hey, she insisted, so I just had to let her; When it’s that smooth who really cares what anybody says.”
[embedvideo id=”0Q0ead8FmrY” website=”youtube”]
5. “Come on Eileen” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners
There was an old joke that made the rounds back in our junior high days: “What’s worse than Grease on Olivia Newton-John?” The title of this 1982 international pop hit served as the punchline. If giddy 12-year-old boys picked up on the crudely suggestive lyrics, you have to assume that so, too, did the authors of this memorable fiddle-fied one-hit wonder. Consider it the title track to the as-of-yet un-filmed Bill Clinton-Monica Lewinsky made-for-TV movie.
The incriminating lyrics: “With you in that dress; Oh my thoughts I confess verge on dirty; Ah, come on Eileen.”
[embedvideo id=”oc-P8oDuS0Q” website=”youtube”]
4. “Rock and Roll All Nite” by Kiss
You could put half the Kiss catalog of shamelessly self-indulgent, sexually charged, good-time rock classics on the list of raunchiest double-entendre tunes: “Calling Dr. Love,” “Strutter,” “Deuce,” and “Love Gun,” among others.
We went with the fist-pumping 1975 glam-rock masterpiece “Rock and Roll All Nite,” arguably Kiss’s most popular tune. Remember, rock and roll is not just music. It’s a euphemism for sex. And Gene Simmons and his pals proudly shouted that they want to do it all night, party every day, and then do it all over again the next night. Consider “Rock and Roll All Nite” the orgasmic anthem of a patriotic Kiss Nation. Rock doesn’t get simpler or more suggestive. The song hints at orgiastic good times between a groupie and the band mates.
The incriminating lyrics: “You show us everything you’ve got; Baby, baby that’s quite a lot; You drive us wild; We’ll drive you crazy.”
[embedvideo id=”8lVbe0inZ7Q” website=”youtube”]
3. “Little Red Corvette” by Prince
Fast cars have been a metaphor for sex since the early days of rock and roll. And Prince earns a checkered flag for suggestive automobile excess in his sex-fueled Top-10 romp through muscle-car culture and impassioned teen angst from 1983. It’s a coming-of-age story about a young man infatuated with a curvaceous red-haired woman who drives fast and lives faster.
The Little Red Corvette is not a car at all, but the shapely and untamed object of his passion. Prince had the rare musical gift of making sex sexier, and “Little Red Corvette” is his lyrical masterpiece.
The incriminating lyrics: “Girl you’ve got an a$$ like I’ve never seen; And the ride, I say the ride is so smooth; You must be a limousine.”
2. “Big Balls” by AC/DC
This 1976 head-banging classic by the famed Aussie rockers has all the subtlety of a crocodile feeding frenzy. But to their enduring lyrical credit, the hardest of all hard-rocking bands couch Bon Scott’s bombastic testament to the oversized engine of his manhood in the thinly veiled language of a high-society ballroom cotillion.
“Big Balls” is a rare song: it’s both clever and crude.
The incriminating lyrics: “Some balls are held for charity; And some for fancy dress; But when they’re held for pleasure; They’re the balls that I like best.”
[embedvideo id=”gJ3tqIukBKg” website=”youtube”]
1.“Back Door Man” by Willie Dixon
Blues master Dixon wrote this song in 1961 for Howlin’ Wolf but later recorded an even better version himself.
His original lyrics are dirtier and more suggestive than the famous Doors cover, while his adulterous lover inspired Led Zeppelin, too. Robert Plant sang about the Back Door Man in both the raunchy “Whole Lotta Love” from Zeppelin II and the forlorn “Since I’ve Been Loving You” from Zeppelin III.
The Back Door Man is a small-town lothario who sneaks out the back door of his lovers’ homes “every morning when the rooster crows.” Tales of his unmentionable form of lovemaking, meanwhile, spread in hushed whispers among the womenfolk.
His satisfied conquests include the nurses who care for him after he’s been “shot full of holes” (apparently by a jealous husband) and the wives of the local constabulary. And when the Back Door Man is “accused a-murder in the first degree” even the judge’s wife cries “let the man go free!”
The incriminating lyrics: “I am the back door man; The men don’t know; But the little girls, they understand.”
[embedvideo id=”7UuChTazs9Q” website=”youtube”]