Life is rough for Guns N’ Roses fans. By now, only a delusional person could believe much hope exists for Axl and Slash to make nice and go on a big expensive reunion tour. The last real G N’ R album came out in 1991 and there almost certainly won’t ever be another one. Velvet Revolver sucks. Axl is fat now and can’t sing very well anymore, anyway. The only consolation for the G N’ R faithful has been the fact that, at every given moment, somewhere in the country a singer wearing a greasy red wig and possibly a kilt is asking an audience, “DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?” because that is what a person does when he or she plays Axl in a G N’ R tribute band.
For a while, I thought the world was about to lose one such outfit — MR. BROWNSTONE, featuring one of the guys from Clap Your Hands Say Yeah as Axl and some record industry dudes aping other members. And maybe it is? I’m not sure. Before this interview with Dave Godowsky, the organization’s stand-in for Izzy Stradlin, I read on the internet that Mr. Brownstone had recently scheduled their swansong performance. After the interview, I noticed the article announcing their breakup came out in 2006. Whoops.
Oddly, Godowsky fervently confirmed this rumor of Mr. Brownstone’s demise, a few days before Mr. Brownstone’s show tonight at the Sinclair in Cambridge. Was he exaggerating? Or maybe they truly are calling it quits, again, and me fucking up my research was a happy accident? Or he assumed I asked a nonsensical opening question on purpose and decided to play along with a farce I didn’t realize I was perpetrating? Is it possible I was talking to Izzy Stradlin pretending to be Dave Godowsky? Is that what’s the hell is going on here?
We’re told this is gonna be the last ever Mr. Brownstone performance?
That last ever? Yeah. It’s definitely our farewell show, although I think we’ve had between eight to 10 farewell shows in the past. I think we’ve broken up eight times. This will be our ninth official breakup. If it’s nine lives, this is our last one. This one is for real.
Why keep breaking up and getting back together?
It’s mostly because we hate each other. Everyone in the band hates each other and the music of Guns N’ Roses, so it makes it difficult to be in a band together that exclusively plays the music of Guns N’ Roses. We make it work because there’s a lot counting on it, a lot of money, so it’s very crucial.
Which of your bandmates do you hate the most, and why?
Let’s see… that’s a really good question. It would probably be Drew Thurlow, who plays the role of Duff (McKagan). But it’s actually because of his latent homosexuality. Not blatant. Latent. There’s a big difference in that one letter. I guess, in a roundabout way, he’s taught us all the difference between blatant homosexuality and latent homosexuality, which from where I sit, is a major problem for me. So, yeah, I’ll go with Drew for most hated, but if you ask each member of the band, you’ll get a different answer, probably.
You’d respect him more if his homosexuality was blatant?
Oh yeah. I’d respect him more, and I’d probably have a lot more feelings for him, too, y’know? When it comes to just, like, the primary reasons why I wouldn’t pursue a relationship that was more than just bandmate, yeah, definitely.
Do you think the world will be okay with one less Guns N’ Roses tribute band running around?
Um, no. I don’t. If you pay attention to what’s going on in the news: Aaron Hernandez, the NSA surveillance, obviously we’ve all heard about Paula Deen. Recently, there’s been a lot going on. Same-sex marriage, I should say, is another issue. All these issues, in a sense, ride the coattails of the Guns N’ Roses tribute band scene. If you follow that scene, you’ll see there’s a direct correlation.
Do you think Guns ‘n Roses would have more female fans if their lyrics weren’t overtly misogynistic?
Hm, more female fans? Um, women actually like it. Women actually want to be treated that way. It’s a common misconception that that sort of abuse, be it verbally, emotionally, or physically… is something that… that word “misogynistic,” it’s thrown around so much, but it’s kind of misnomer, because women actually want that. They prefer that. That’s why you’ll find at our shows, the women are the first to jump up on stage. So I think, y’know, I think we’d probably have fewer female fans if it wasn’t for the lyrical content in there. We’re all very blessed in that sense.
Do you promise not to start a Velvet Revolver tribute after this?
Yes.
Thanks! How did you guys end up on Letterman? (Sidenote: Letterman was hosting tribute bands that entire week. The question remains relevant.)
David talked to us at length leading up to the show, just wanting to make sure that it was done right. He made it clear that they don’t usually have tribute bands on their program, and they made an exception for us. We were just like, “Oh, we’re here because we’re so talented, and do such a good job with the accurate recreation of the music of Guns N’ Ro-” and he just cut us off and said, “No, it has nothing to do with that. It’s mostly just based on physical appearance.” Apparently that’s how they book all of their shows. It’s not about music, it’s about faces, because that’s what sells. It’s all about commercial airtime and what kind of advertising rates they can bump up.
You’re saying you guys aren’t just the drunkest G N’ R tribute, but also the best looking?
Yeah, that’s true. That’s very, very true… I think. It’s hard to answer any of these questions accurately, being so inebriated. I mean, the fact of the matter is the only thing we can really say for sure is we’re the drunkest band, period. I know that’s true. I’m absolutely drunk right now. Y’know, it makes it kind of hard to answer all of these questions and know for sure what I’m talking about. It’s hard enough to know what I’m talking about on any given day. In this particular case, I don’t want to give any misinformation. At the same time, considering how much I’ve had to drink and it’s not even noon yet [Note: it was a bit after 2 p.m.], who knows?
Do you think you’d be a more accurate G N’ R replica if you were all on heroin all the time?
We are. It’s not really an “if.” It’s a “when.”
Do you think the Axl from your band would’ve agreed to be Frances Bean Cobain’s godfather?
Probably. But just because it would be an investment for future sexual endeavors. I know he operates that way. That’s always all he’s thinking about with any decision.
Being a godparent would not prevent your Axl from making advances toward Frances Bean?
Right. It would empower him in that way. That been said, let me just say, it’s happened before. I don’t want to say too much, so I’ll keep my mouth shut, but it’s happened before.
…with Frances Bean or his goddaughter?
Both.
Huh. Do you usually play most of the songs from Chinese Democracy or do you play all of them?
We order Chinese food on the rider, but that’s the extent to how close we come to that record.
Ah, you’re worried those songs are too good, and you might not be able to pull them off?
Um, it’s just… yeah, actually. That’s pretty much it. It’s too… it’s a record that goes over everyone’s heads, including ours. No one understands how good that record is, including us, including you, including anyone. No one knows how good it is. So it’s just sort of best not to play it, and it’s also best not to listen to it. The best way to handle a record of that caliber is to keep it untouched and unspoiled in its original packaging. Let’s leave it at that.
You guys tweeted snarky shit at every media outlet in town trying to get coverage for this show. Does that usually work?
Um, I don’t know what that is. I don’t know what tweet is. Is that a magazine?
It’s a social media platform that emphasizes microblogging.
Yeah, I don’t know what that is. I don’t even have a computer, but I’ve heard people talking about that. Like, I watch a lot of sports. I know sometimes in sports they’ll talk about it. You’ll be watching sports and someone will say, “This sports guy had a tweet,” and I never know what they’re talking about. Is it only sports?
Oh no. You can tweet about pretty much anything.
Oh, wow. I’d heard about Aaron Hernandez. Apparently, he used it to kill someone, I think? Somehow he killed someone on tweet. Something like that. I thought that was pretty cool.
I don’t think you can murder someone with a tweet. Not directly, anyway.
Oh. Well, if anyone can do it, Aaron can do it. He pretty much calls the shots in this town.
MR. BROWNSTONE | Friday, July 5 at the Sinclair, 52 Church St., Cambridge | 8pm, 21-plus, $20 | advance tickets | facebook event page